Batteries

After a terrible evening, and another night of no sleep (4 hours of solid sleep, 2 hours of tossing and turning before that and an hour of broken sleep after) -- I thought I caught a break when Jeff offered to take Jaden to school this morning. It was his first day back after being home sick for a week. Ah...I could feel my tension slipping away as I envisioned a long hot shower in a quiet house, a piping hot cup of coffee and maybe, dare I dream & do, steal 20 minutes from work and do YOGA.

My grand plans were squelched when Jaden went into uncooperative mode. I shouldn't have been surprised really, when he gets out of one routine, it's hard to shift him to the new routine; i.e., getting dressed and off to school. Unfortunately we're the kind of parents who don't make idle threats and so when we said he had one more chance to listen to Daddy and get dressed or Daddy couldn't take him to school, and Jaden didn't listen -- well there went my beautiful morning.

And you know, being a mom, I was okay because I could see that Jaden was sad to go back to school after being home with me all week. I felt sympathetic and even could relate. Even though I'm exhausted, we do really bond and get used to being together all the livelong day.

But then! Then! In the car, I asked him to turn off his video game because I needed to explain something to him. He was very cooperative. I wanted to make an impression on him and I explained in my best 3 y.o. terms how Daddy offering to take him to school was like giving Mommy a big present: the present of time. And when he didn't cooperate, it was like he took my present away from me and I felt sad.

He made a sad face, didn't say much other than "OH" and turned his game right back on.

Well now! Now I'm really upset. I said, "I am more important than your video game Jaden. Your video game will always be there, it will always turn on!"

After a pause, Jaden said, "Mamaa, my video game is more powerful than you are. It has batteries."

Well goddamn if that isn't true!

I actually started crying then, not that it would take much. But no, I do not run on batteries.

The things that would have recharged me today after a long, crummy week were the things I lost because he is three and can't see beyond himself and how can we expect him to really? I mean really. If you're not totally self-centered when you are three, then you really never have a chance. Because once you have kids, you definitely lose ALL chance of being self-centered.

Jaden finally conceded this: "I'm sorry you can't be plugged in Mama."