I Miss...

...my Harpo.

Girl, you had your issues but you were my girl and I understood you so well. I did well in a way, getting Jackson after you, because he is nothing like you and never will be. He could not possibly be mistaken as a replacement for you. He is the complete opposite of you. You were a princess. You were graceful. You were wise and you were wounded. You were stunningly beautiful.

Okay Jackson is a pretty boy so I guess maybe you have one thing in common: good looks.

Okay two, he is part lab also.

Okay, three, he is a dog.

That's where I draw the line!

I am here to tell you that Jackson did help ease the pain of losing you simply by aggravating me to such an extent almost every waking hour since three days after his arrival in our home. How could I grieve you once he was bumbling, peeing, biting, barking and growling down my hallways? It was impossible.

So here I find myself, almost one year after making that awful, horrid but necessary decision to "put you down" (um whatever that means -- put you where? down? down where? where are you anyway?), realizing that for the first time in my life, I have squashed some difficult emotions. Not by self-medicating the way most of our society does, but by self-aggravating.

Yes, that is more my style, I couldn't have let myself drink a little for a few months, no a good Cab isn't good enough for my grief. I needed a totally insane puppy to get over you.

All I am trying to say is, Harpo?

I'm not over you.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH that I can hardly stand it anymore.