I am often asked how exactly do I deal with all the cancer stuff?

It's a complex, yet simple answer: I simply do because what choice do I really have? Some days I do it more gracefully than others. This year's therapy sessions have certainly been helpful in managing the stress and fear. I don't really acknowledge the fear very often and even more rarely do I allow myself a full-on pity party.

But this Newsweek article, this piece of news that is worse than the NYT article I blogged about a few months ago? This makes me fall into a big heap of pitiful emotions.

I have a migraine and so I can't even let myself weep because it will hurt too much. Who are these people with the cavalier attitudes and all the power to make totally insane decisions that affect hundreds of thousands of people? "Diagnostic?" What? WTF? What are they talking about diagnostic?

It's upsetting enough that Stanford says "No one has given Bexxar twice" when I asked if I can get it again. Never mind that in Australia, I know for a fact, you can get it not once, not twice, but THREE times if you want it.

Now here, in the U.S., some people might not EVER get it. And where does that leave me? If you're 60 or 70 like most people who get follicular lymphoma, and you start on this journey of mine and get 10 or 20 years more from various treatments, well it's never enough but at least you started out 30 or 30 years ahead in the life cycle than me.

That's all I'm saying.

This is so UNFAIR!!! All of it! UNFAIR and WHY ME, why anyone but let me have one little moment on the record to say WHY ME. It just all makes me sick. I am so over asking my people to write a letter for me or donate to that. What difference does it make anyway?