I Miss...

...my Harpo.

Girl, you had your issues but you were my girl and I understood you so well. I did well in a way, getting Jackson after you, because he is nothing like you and never will be. He could not possibly be mistaken as a replacement for you. He is the complete opposite of you. You were a princess. You were graceful. You were wise and you were wounded. You were stunningly beautiful.

Okay Jackson is a pretty boy so I guess maybe you have one thing in common: good looks.

Okay two, he is part lab also.

Okay, three, he is a dog.

That's where I draw the line!

I am here to tell you that Jackson did help ease the pain of losing you simply by aggravating me to such an extent almost every waking hour since three days after his arrival in our home. How could I grieve you once he was bumbling, peeing, biting, barking and growling down my hallways? It was impossible.

So here I find myself, almost one year after making that awful, horrid but necessary decision to "put you down" (um whatever that means -- put you where? down? down where? where are you anyway?), realizing that for the first time in my life, I have squashed some difficult emotions. Not by self-medicating the way most of our society does, but by self-aggravating.

Yes, that is more my style, I couldn't have let myself drink a little for a few months, no a good Cab isn't good enough for my grief. I needed a totally insane puppy to get over you.

All I am trying to say is, Harpo?

I'm not over you.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH that I can hardly stand it anymore.

Panache

I found some awesome striped socks on clearance recently and Jaden has been wearing them all week. He pulls his own outfits together for school every morning and he's a whiz with them.

Today was no exception.



When Betty saw him, she thought of the word "panache" and read him the meaning from the dictionary: "a grand or flamboyant manner; verve; style; flair." We definitely all agree that Jaden has a lot of flair.

This all happened on our way to the car and so I took that picture with my cell phone. Then we got buckled in and I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the saddest face on Jaden.

Me: "What's wrong sweetie?"

Jaden: "I can't go to school. I'm really, really sick."

Me: "You're sick? What's wrong?"

Jaden: "I don't know. Nana said I have something called panache."

LOL!!!

Of course, I explained that it was a compliment but that only made his face more sour. Lately he thinks compliments are insults but that's one of things about my kid that I haven't figured out yet.

Indulge

This picture says it all:

(L-R: Amy, Shelly, Lara, Chloe, me, Jen, Josie)

Spa time is the quintessential aspect of a girl's bonding weekend at the beach.

And Seascape is a perfect place to escape to the sea.

See you next year!

Almost Famous

Renkoo put our boy up on their Flickr account today.

Aww! My noodle is almost famous.

Play Ball

When Jeff's Auntie Weenie was here visiting a couple few weeks ago, I was complaining about Jackson's various issues and how I'd love to walk him to get him some exercise but it's not happening at this point.

She said well why can't you throw a ball for him somewhere here?

I had never thought it was possible to do that at Betty's. At home I'd do it in the evenings because our street was fairly quiet. But after she asked, I realized Betty's street is fairly quiet too and also a dead end.

So I did it one night in the street and then after that I just started doing it in the yard. It works like a charm. I get two balls and some treats so Jackson will drop the ball and he's really getting the hang of it.

The cutest thing is now he is associating me with playing ball. I played with him last night and this morning as soon as I got up, he ran to get a ball and started following me around with it in his mouth. Aww!

The best part is realizing he only needs about 10 minutes until he starts slowing down. I played with him when we got home from school an hour ago and he's still panting and tired.

I think I am kind of sort of liking him a little now that we are bonding over tennis balls.

*Just* a little though.

Conversations with Jaden, Part II of LMXVII

Setting: We're in the bathroom last night at bedtime. I'm running the bath and Jaden is going potty first. He looks me up and down carefully.

Jaden: Mama, is that a new skirt?

Me: Yes.

Jaden: Where did you get it?

Me: Old Navy

Jaden: How many dollars did it cost?

Me: Six.


-- He hops off the toilet. --


Jaden: That's not too bad.

Me (silently): Is this my son or my husband? Oh wait, my husband doesn't even ask me these kinds of questions!

Conversations with Jaden

Setting: lunch time at Nana's.

Jaden: So, school was fine today Mama. Alex pushed Owen and I ran over his hands with my tires. But it was Alex's fault! I didn't know that was going to happen. It's not my fault.

Me: Well, when someone gets hurt, what is more important? Whose fault it is or making sure the person is okay?

Jaden: Making sure they're okay.

Me: So did you stop and ask Owen if he was okay?

Jaden: No.

Me: If someone hurt you accidentally, how would you feel if they didn't even stop to see if you were okay?

Jaden: Sad.

Jaden: I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Me: Why?

There is a long pause, and he looks deep into my eyes and then with great sadness says: "It makes me think of war."

Me: Hmmm.

Me: I'll be right back Jaden.

And I ran to my blog.

A Hint

This is our new front door!

Don't jinx us -- the ink is not quite dry but the cap is off the pen.
How is that for mysterious?

Deep Thoughts

"I am a serious World Cup player and I refuse to smile for anyone -- not for my fans, not for my parents (oh wait those are the same thing) and certainly not for coaches taking photos for our team Yahoo! group."

This is "THE JUICE"

This is my world baby.
You're just a squirrel trying to get a nut.
That's right baby.

Etsy

I stumbled on this amazing site tonight called Etsy for all things handmade.

I will open an Etsy site one day, I swear. If only for the fun of it and without a half a mind to make money, although that would be cool.

The coolest part of this site is how you can shop by color. Feeling blue? black? orange? apple green? hot pink?



You don't have to spend a penny to take a psychedelic color trip. Just don't complain to me if you never finish your to-do list.

Me, Myself and I like these green bug coasters by Multiple Personality.



And Jamie? I see a store in your future too!

Trike Tricks

I have saved this picture on my cell phone for months.

Jaden was so proud to show me his trick in which he comes racing down the walkway and makes a radical 180. I thought it was dope.

Yay for camera phones for helping me catch these moments.

Spaghetti Legs

Jaden naturally posed like this, I did NOT instruct him to do this.

These three pics above are from my cell phone from Sunday
after we bought his adorable cleats and size 3 soccer ball.

These are official Team Spaghetti Legs photos
from the first practice two days ago.

Best Jaden quote from the middle of practice:
"COACH! My shoe laces are loose!"

Goosebumps

Do these give you goosebumps too?

Thank Jeff Ascough, the stunning available light photographer.

Bologna

I couldn't wait to get my own pictures, I had to Google a few to ensure sweet dreams for myself.

Piazza Maggiore, I spent a lot of time here
during my first trip to Italy in 1996.

The Duomo, I went here also in 1996.

Bologna is famous for its porticos.
Someday I will share my photos of the porticos of San Luca in Bologna.

Speaking of Italian

Speaking of Italian, if we -- I mean, when -- we move to Redwood City, it is not too far-fetched to imagine that the three of us might drive or train it to SF for a little more Italy in our lives.

Continuing on this Italian note, here is the first Italian I ever learned, courtesy of Paolo on Friends:

Guarda la luna
Guarda le stelle
Guarda tutte le cose belle.

My friend Stefano, an Italian exchange student at the time this episode aired, seriously choked with laughter over this "totally lame" poem.

As I looked up this episode tonight, I found the most hilarious bit of trivia about Paolo. When Friends was dubbed in Italian, Paolo was translated as Pablo and all his lines (in Italian for us) were translated into Spanish! Ha-larious to me!

Someday I will blog about Stefano. He is from Bologna, or as he signs emails: TMBCOTMBCOTW. This did not have to be explained to me after hanging around with him and his Italian friends at UCSD for a year, I knew it was the ultimate acronym for "The Most Beautiful City Of The Most Beautiful Country of The World."

And that pretty much sums up Stefano, Italian men, northern Italians and northern Italians from Bologna.

I can't resist ending this post with a visit to one of my favorite sites of all time, In Italy. I used it to plan my second trip to Italy in 1999 with my grandma before she died. Someday, (i.e. when I have a house again), I will digitize all my Italy photos and go post-happy with them.

Do Not Play Small

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest
the glory that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

-- Marianne Wililamson --

Thank you to On Her Way for a great blog and seemingly endless inspiring quotes.

Come On Universe!

You know what I'm talking about!

Hot Lixx Hulahan

This is some hilarious video. Read all about it on Wednesday.

Edited to add: apparently air guitar can be controversial in addition to humorous and entertaining.

Anxious Anxiourson

Today all of a sudden, I am totally freaking out about the housing situation. Although my husband might disagree, I've kind of calmed down about it the past 10-14 days. (I swear!!!)

The rental market is glum in our price range. We are trying so hard to be dedicated to our price. We agreed to suck it up for a year and then re-evaluate. Yet I am conflicted. I think about having to move again in one year (if we found a place today!) because the places we are looking at do not feed into quality elementary schools.

I am just beginning to feel squirrely about everything. It actually started last week. Minor hints in my body, a little jittery, some itchy leg muscles, you know? So I'm airing it out here. I will try to take a deep breath. I will spend some time not on Craigslist but on Great Schools.

I think it's time to work more backwards and acknowledge this feeling of impending doom that we might finally find a place in September and will have to go through all this again 11 months later. Maybe since we're here in discomfortland, I will stay here until we find a house that feeds into a school I approve of...buying myself time later right now. I don't know. I'm sick of CL. Same old crummy listings day after day. So for today, I'm going to change my m.o.