Collections

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What do you think of when you hear that word?

Some deadbeat without a job who runs up bills they know they can't pay? Or won't pay?

Well instead you could think of me and millions of people like me, who get cancer, go through treatments, feel like hell, maybe get better and maybe not and all the while keep binders full of bills and do their best.

And not only do their best but actually DO pay their bills; maybe slowly, but every month they dutifully give their money to the people who provided their health care.

And what do they get in return?

They get harrassing phone calls and letters on an almost-daily basis from collection agencies and their lovely employees because someone, somewhere at the behemoth organizations (such as HOSPITALS but I'm not pointing fingers here) made a "mistake" and sent a bill that is being paid ON TIME EVERY SINGLE MONTH, as agreed between said HOSPITAL and PATIENT to collections!

And said PATIENT becomes rather IMPATIENT at making yet another call to verify that YES it was a mistake and yes we are "taking care of it" (Hello BS) and gets the pleasure of calling back the collection agency again to have them tell her that they can't do anything about it, it's in collections and I need to pay them now.

(I couldn't sustain the 3rd person perspective any longer).

They are so ridiculous, I swear. My phone rings, I answer it and I get a computer voice telling me "Jessica. Nichols. Has. An. Important. Personal. Business. Matter. To. Discuss. Please. Call. Blah Blah Blah with Reference Number Blah Blah Blah" and then they hang up on me! So I call their blah blah blah number and go through voice mail hell to get to live human hell.

And around and around the crazy carousel I go.

I am now seven years, one month and one week into this world and cancer sucks in so many more ways than one.

"Calming" Playlist

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In about 37 seconds on Wednesday , I created probably the best playlist in my iTunes career. I created it for Jackson actually because I was off to the realtor meeting to hear the offers we received on our house and I was leaving him in his kennel with the Visualizer on. (Isn't that nice of me, not sure he can even see it from his vantage point).

Turns out it didn't help much, in fact maybe it drove him to break out of his kennel and destroy the house while he purged his Giardia parasite on every available surface! Maybe I should made a Crazy playlist for him instead.

But anyway, I decided to play it for myself right now while I try to catch up on my job.


And my goodness, it is mightly lovely if I do say!

Stress Relief

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This picture makes me smile at a time of great stress. I see it on various and sundry websites all the time. Oh my email is down since last night for anyone who is wondering. Our house looks so amazing. I can't wait to share pictures with everyone. We have worked very, very, very (did I mention very?) hard. My office is dreamy. Just what I always wanted. A clean, beautiful office to work in. Too bad I'm so anxious about these big decisions and having a hard time concentrating on work. More random thoughts later. I'm going to take a shower and try to lower my blood pressure some.

Bitten

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(C) 2007 Steve & Barry's and 45220, Inc. All Rights Reserved.



I saw SJP on Oprah recently and was very intrigued by her new venture, Bitten -- so named because after SATC, she was "bitten" by the fashion bug.

Her manifesto is "It is every womann's inalienable right to have a pulled-together, stylish, confident wardrobe with money left over to live."

Amen!

Too bad these stores are only in the Northeast! The line premieres on June 7th and us West Coast folks can only hope she sells her line online.

It might sound odd, the notion that she might not sell online; but my favorite store, the now defunct Janeville, didn't. And they were not founded in the 1950s or anything. Nope a late 1990s company that didn't sell anything through their website...it is no surprise their plug was pulled.

Anyway, SJP's clothes look fun and simple and best of all -- affordable to people like me.

On Vanilla

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I was just searching my sent emails for something and ran across this gem about my deep feelings for vanilla. It's from July 10, 2003. It makes me laugh, my passion for vanilla.

"I don't think vanilla bean ice cream is at all boring by the way. Vanilla has a real depth of flavor to it, esp. real vanilla bean like Haagen Dazs. I really have a thing for defending vanilla, esp. when someone calls something boring by calling it vanilla: "that is so vanilla." I get so perturbed by that. I should be on the Vanilla Advisory Board and start a PR campaign for the underdog flavor of the world."

Some things never change, although I do prefer chocolate ice cream ever since I was pregnant with Jaden. (Thanks Jeff, I blame you for that.)

But, you won't catch me defending chocolate, I mean that's totally non-sensical. No one says anything like "that is so chocolate" when something is really great either. What's up with that? Maybe I'll start a new trend.

Here, I'll practice right now.

Buyer: I'd like to offer you 550k for your tiny townhouse.
Jess: That is so chocolate!

Monday Morning

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Not enough sleep last night and a late start to the day, I woke up and realized all I had to do this day with my tired brain and body. Here's my list.

8 loads of laundry waiting to be done
dishes
sweeping
return library materials (about 15 books, 2 movies and some cds)
lots of preschool stuff to get done
grocery shopping

The laundry is as follows: 2 for Jaden, 2 for house -- towels & sheets, 4 for us -- blacks, normal colors, whites, Jeff's socks. I know I could combine some of my laundry into bigger and fewer loads but honestly I find it harder to complete the laundry cycle when I have to fold a huge pile of whatever (particularly Jaden's clothes). So I break it down. And Jeff's socks are special so they get to go on the handwash cycle and delicate light dry cycle. Easier to separate them, those high maintenance fellows.

The preschool stuff: prepare for our parent/teacher conference on Friday, fulfill his teacher's request for a baby picture for an activity she's doing this week, and book orders due tomorrow and I haven't ordered in a long while.

I also have to work which I couldn't do this morning because Jaden missed 2/3 of preschool time. So gotta do that during nap instead of napping myself.

And it's National TV-Turnoff Week so that is going to be a huge family struggle too. (I think it should be "TV Turn-Off Week" by the way).

Well I did check one thing off my list today: disappoint a really nice person. Gee. I feel so accomplished.

Two Colors

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I added a second color to my knitting for the first time Friday night.

I spun myself in circles over the color choice all of last week, but in the end, went back to my original vision.

(Although my original pattern idea has been recently modified and the green omitted altogether. You'll see. Someday. Like next February at this rate.)



There it is, my first row of the new color. All this cold, blustery weather has gotten me in the mood to knit again. I have done about 7 rows of red over the weekend. Knitting really does give me an outlet for my whatevers (restlessness, anxiety, moodiness, etc.).

Factoid: So far I have 68 rows x 150 stitches per row = 10,200 stitches!

Evil Poppit

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Death to Poppit!

I love and yet loathe you with a deep passion.

I have let you suck away hours of my life away since I discovered you.
You, with your constant pressure to strategize.

And the tokens and jackpot spins!
Gambling is not necessary with addictive balloon popping.

Even the sound is addictive & I only allow myself the delightful "pop" noise a few times per day.

Groups of colored balloons are burned into my eyelids:


This is all I see when I close my eyes now.

This is sick & it's making me a horrible mother! Jaden and I have been home together all afternoon and have spent zero time together. I am earning not the Bad Mommy award..but the WORST MOTHER OF ALL TIME award.

Poppit! I am breaking up with you!
Right after this game.

Cranky Blah Whiney Whinerson

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I have been so blah lately.

Friday I had my PET scan for my six-month cancer checkup. I can't see my onc. until this Friday so I am having to wait a week for the results. I haven't waited more than three days in so long, I can't even remember. I'm sure part of this is why I'm restless, blah, unmotivated and agitated & struggling to sleep at night.

I always think, oh I'm not that worried about it and then realize after the appt. just how weighed down I really was.

I'm also edgy because of money and that always leads me to the housing issue. I feel so unsettled. Are we going to sell or what? I am not feeling too confident about the housing market. And then what? Rent? Rent what? Of course the main thing I love about this house is our backyard and just in time to enjoy it again I feel like I have to give it up. Then I think about summer and roasting in here and an apt. complex with AC and a pool sound mighty nice. Still all this leads me in circles over the biggest question of all: do we stay in CA or move away? Part of me just wants to decide already.

I'm really looking forward to Sunday, a new month and a new start. Because right now, I just feel like crying a river and flooding our dog hair-ridden floors.

Trixie Tracker

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Jeff is so totally ridiculously lucky that Trixie Tracker wasn't around during Jaden's first year. As if the "logbook" wasn't anal enough on my part, just think of all the pretty charts I could have created (i.e. "striking visual summaries")!

I was too brain dead to analyze all the data I collected on Jaden's naps and bottles and the convoluted relationship between the two that I was sure existed, if only I could prove it. And Jeff, what a darling supportive man he is, actually dutifully recorded everything that happened when he was on duty.

But watch out if we ever do get brave enough for baby #2 -- I will be Trixie Tracking my exhausted fingers out! HA! The SAHD that invented this has got to be a Virgo after my own heart.

Now where is my logbook anyway? It just occurred to me that I could retroactively analyze Jaden's sleep & food routines from 2003!

Batteries

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After a terrible evening, and another night of no sleep (4 hours of solid sleep, 2 hours of tossing and turning before that and an hour of broken sleep after) -- I thought I caught a break when Jeff offered to take Jaden to school this morning. It was his first day back after being home sick for a week. Ah...I could feel my tension slipping away as I envisioned a long hot shower in a quiet house, a piping hot cup of coffee and maybe, dare I dream & do, steal 20 minutes from work and do YOGA.

My grand plans were squelched when Jaden went into uncooperative mode. I shouldn't have been surprised really, when he gets out of one routine, it's hard to shift him to the new routine; i.e., getting dressed and off to school. Unfortunately we're the kind of parents who don't make idle threats and so when we said he had one more chance to listen to Daddy and get dressed or Daddy couldn't take him to school, and Jaden didn't listen -- well there went my beautiful morning.

And you know, being a mom, I was okay because I could see that Jaden was sad to go back to school after being home with me all week. I felt sympathetic and even could relate. Even though I'm exhausted, we do really bond and get used to being together all the livelong day.

But then! Then! In the car, I asked him to turn off his video game because I needed to explain something to him. He was very cooperative. I wanted to make an impression on him and I explained in my best 3 y.o. terms how Daddy offering to take him to school was like giving Mommy a big present: the present of time. And when he didn't cooperate, it was like he took my present away from me and I felt sad.

He made a sad face, didn't say much other than "OH" and turned his game right back on.

Well now! Now I'm really upset. I said, "I am more important than your video game Jaden. Your video game will always be there, it will always turn on!"

After a pause, Jaden said, "Mamaa, my video game is more powerful than you are. It has batteries."

Well goddamn if that isn't true!

I actually started crying then, not that it would take much. But no, I do not run on batteries.

The things that would have recharged me today after a long, crummy week were the things I lost because he is three and can't see beyond himself and how can we expect him to really? I mean really. If you're not totally self-centered when you are three, then you really never have a chance. Because once you have kids, you definitely lose ALL chance of being self-centered.

Jaden finally conceded this: "I'm sorry you can't be plugged in Mama."