Mama's Gift

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"Mama, I have a present for you. It's just down the hallway."



I don't want to squelsh the budding artist here, and I guess objectively I can see the allure and beauty of the glitter. But how the hell am I supposed to put all that glitter away?!

EEKS!

(For the record, the above was my internal dialogue and externally, I was polite and said thank you and also explained the sadness of growing up and worrying more about cleaning up stuff then the enjoyment of making a beautiful mess).

Signspotting

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Surfing around this morning for work led me to Signspotting.

Hasn't this happened to you yet? You're toodling around and then see a crazy street sign, so crazy that you take a picture of it with your cell phone so you can show someone else how crazy it is?

It happened to me and Jeff last summer in Portland.

Here's a great example from Signspotting itself.



Actually, now that I think about this picture, this is not really a signspotting situation at all. It is a simple example of irony. But the sign for the building is what presents the irony. So it is signspotting.

Okay I'll stop writing in circles now.

Now later when I have more time, I'll search iPhoto for the ones from Portland.

Clever with Cheddar

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I love Annie's Deluxe Shells with Cheddar. Except I don't love the price, organic or not, 2.49 seems a lot for a box of mac & cheese.

Jeff came home with Trader Joe's mac & cheese lately, which is fine but I am so over those mini "elbow" macaroni noodles. I think they're basically useless. But alas, the price is nice at 99 cents a box.

Well every once in a while my brain kicks into gear and today it went from 1st to 5th. I dumped the useless minis and used my own beautiful shells!

It worked. I got clever with my cheddar today.

GO TEAM!

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Our beloved Becca, everyone knows our Becca, who even 1.5 years later has a park named in her honor, is training with TNT in *my* honor.



In WINTER no less and for a TRIATHLON.

People think I am inspirational for surviving cancer three times; well, I think that's nothing compared to swimming in the dead of winter and then getting on a bike and then, horror of horrors, running. Or whatever order they do these events, the point is, triathletes do all of them in the same day. Which will never happen to me in my lifetime.

Of course, we all know about never. Never say never. I am the one, after all, who got so damn inspired by Jamie & Jenni at the Nike Women's Marathon last year that I agreed to walk/run a half marathon with them this year.

(Did being a patient representative for the event influence me? Yes, but not nearly as much as seeing Jamie & Jenni cross the line, as well as my old & dear friend Lynora who has done the event twice now.)



I know I sent an email but blood cancers make me passionate and vocal and bold, so if you are reading this, click the link and donate to Becca's account.

I am still humbled by the $6000+ that I raised almost two years ago for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through everyone's generosity. In my darkest times, it has lifted my spirits to know that with money comes research and with research, comes options for me and everyone else affected by lymphoma, leukemia and myeloma.

Thank you!

My Happy Music Right Now

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Oh my gosh, I've been wanting this cd for months now and recently Corinne was on Oprah which just made it imperative for me to get it. Luckily my sweetie gave me an iTunes card in my stocking and it was just waiting to be used.

Now I have my happy music going all the time and I am finally liking the new car stereo that Jeff got me because I can plug in my iPod and blast Put Your Records On.

Even Jeff is hitting repeat on track 3 all the time.

Happiness!

A Good Movie

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Last night, Jeff and I did our taxes. We finished around 11 p.m., talked about the refund situation for awhile, did some other stuff and sat down on the couch at 11:55 to "relax." We decided to "start" our Netflix movie, and just watch a "little" bit.

I looked at him and said, "We are the only crazy people I know who start movies at midnight."

(Or something like that, I am way too bleary to remember anything now).

I knew we were crazy but it is so hard to settle your mind for sleep after what we did (which is basically realize our withholdings are so far off that we robbed ourselves of a huge amount of money every month for the past 14 months).

Jeff said, "Actually I think we are the most sane people I know."

And then he pressed play.

Well whodathunkit but "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" turned out to be quite the entertaining movie.



I had picked it up about a dozen times at Blockbuster and never rented it. And here it was so good, we ended up watching the entire thing and going to bed at nearly 2 a.m.

Yikes.

So if you need to add something to your queue, KKBB gets four eyes wide open from the Js!

On Reincarnation

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Death is the topic du jour around here, actually more like the topic du mois.

This past week, Jeff introduced the concept of reincarnation to Jaden's death repertoire.

Here's a sample of the conversation between Jaden & Nana at dinner last night.

Jaden: Nana, when I die, I want to come back as a boy again.
Nana: Oh really?
Jaden: So I can be with Mama again.

AWWWW! Now finally we have a conversation about death that I can manage.

Crappy Cereal, YUM

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I love crappy kid cereals. I never used to call them that until Jeff and I got back together and I bought some Captain Crunch at the grocery store. He said, "You like to eat that Crappy Crunch?"

He is SUCH a grownup with his taste for twiggy, flakey, nutty, super whole grain cereals.

I just ignored his uppitty attitude towards my delicous cereals until we had Jaden. Or more precisely until Jaden was about a year old. Then I had to get all surreptitious about my cereal eating because obviously, it is a terrible example to set for your child's newly developing eating habits.

When Jaden and I go grocery shopping together and he sees the kid cereals, I always tell him those are actually grown up cereals and the "grown up" cereals are for kids. And he accepts that!

(Thank God Jeff will eat those cereals with him every morning!)

So I started sneaking in my cereal and hiding it in the pantry and only eating it at night for "dessert." That's why this picture is such a treat! It's 10:30 a.m. and I am listening to Corinne and eating my Lucky Charms and feeling all happy and sugary insde.

Yay!

Oh...

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...I forgot part of my vent.

Why oh why did I go messing around with my stupid Blogger template?
I hate this one. Why isn't it listing my posts individually?

Why is it smushing my post up against the title now too? Hello Ugly Bloggy.

GRR!

And why does this make me want to cry a volume of tears that would rival the rainfall in Tutunendo?

I think I'll go make Trader Joe's banana bread and Saving Dinner soup.

Out of Gas

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I have nothing, zero, zip, nada for the dog lately.
Je n'ai rien pour le chien.

Oh wait, I do have something for him.
Loathing, resentment and anger.

I am running on empty. I am not sleeping well on my own and when I do manage to sleep, it coincides directly with the times Jaden is not sleeping well. Jaden is going through a serious rough patch with sleep and emotions which is hard enough on a parent under normal circumstances.

Add that to my mix of insomnia, major financial stress and a new j-o-b, and I'm juggling mountaintops with barely the strength to lift a cottonball. And I can't juggle anyway, I'm not that coordinated.

What I wouldn't give for a dinner and movie date with my husband or the next MNO. I miss my mom friends.

None of these types of things are going to be happening anytime soon. 2007 is the Year of Sacrifice to make up for all the Years of Indulgence. Oh wait, more like to make up for Years of Early Parenthood and Cancer Survival. Or both. It's really both. Sometimes we were indulgent and sometimes we were just trying to survive everything.

Normally a vent makes me feel a little better. I seem to have just cranked up my headache intead. But it seems to have helped Jackson somehow, he finally layed down on the floor like a GOOD DOG should. So I guess I'm one step ahead of square one.

A Scawn

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Here's a guy who hooks a scawn (like a hook) onto a swamp and goes down a rope onto a target and then it goes down and heads left, goes north and goes all around, bounces onto the swamp, then back onto the target and the boat. And that's how it works. That's it.

-- Jaden explaining his drawing to me





-- My camera auto-rotated Jaden's drawing after I took the picture of it. It startled me to see it this way because I see a guy now. But this is not the direction that Jaden drew his picture at all. Cool, huh?

Clue

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I save the most ridiculous documents. (No I clearly haven't given up the search for my binder labels yet even though I realized 10 minutes ago that I could have made new ones by now). Oy, I am cracking myself up at this point. Anyway, I'm back with one of the all-time biggest wastes of disk space.

Filename: "Clue.doc"

Contents in red:


Clue #1






Clue #2





Clue #3





Clue #4


WOW! Now that would seriously take me hours to re-type. This is a project I did to hide Jeff's Christmas gift one year (2003). I made a scavenger hunt and printed this out and glued it onto little tins. And then saved the document AND the little tins, thereby totally eliminating the need to ever use the document again.

Ya think I save too much? Don't get people started on how I save 99.9% of the emails I receive either. Apparently not everyone does that.

Vows

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I'm sitting here searching my ridiculously large and wholly unorganized "docs" folder for a binder label that I could have re-created by now and ran across my wedding vows in the process. Reading them made me feel all mushy so thought I'd post them.

I,Jeff, take you Jessica, to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust you and honor you . I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully, through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. What may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold, so I give you my life to keep.

I, Jessica, take you Jeff, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust you and honor you . I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully, through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. What may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold, so I give you my life to keep.

Aww! What good vows we made.

I love you sweetie.

Pantry Chili

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I've been using this Real Simple recipe for several years now and always get good reviews from those who eat it.

It is vegetarian but I often add ground turkey, just depends on my mood.

It is all ingredients you can keep in your pantry so you can throw this together anytime. It freezes very well also.

Real Simple Pantry Chili

3 T. olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 T. chili powder
1 1/2 t. ground cumin
1 can diced tomatoes with juice
1 can red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 can cannellini or great northern beans, rinsed and drained
1 can vegetarian beans or pork & beans (I use Heinz vegetarian beans)
1 T. red wine vinegar

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat.
Add the onion, garlic, chili powder & cumin and saute until the onions are soft.

Add the tomatoes and 1 cup of water.
Bring to a simmer, partially cover with a lid, and cook for 10 mins.

Add the beans and return to a simmer;
continue cooking uncovered for 20 mins. until the chili is thick.

Remove from heat and stir in vinegar.
Season to taste with salt & pepper.

Serve with cornbread and/or a green salad.

Yum.

On Being Mad

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I am sick again, barely one week into recovery from the last nasty sickness that came my way. It hit me late yesterday. Jeff takes Jaden to school for me on Wednesdays and told him that Mommy was sick and asked him to take extra special care of me today.

He woke up from nap before I did and here's how I woke up. First I hear his little voice in my ear saying "It's going to be night soon Mama. When are you going to wake up?" I barely heard him and didn't respond.

A few minutes later, I was wide awake to the sounds of Jaden banging away in his room on his toy workbench. Now part of me is proud that he was keeping himself occupied. We work so hard on this issue. But come on, the workbench? Seriously?

I called him back into the bedroom and it was obvious I was less than thrilled. I didn't yell at him or anything like that, but I said, "I can see that you were trying to wake me up because you chose a very loud activity" and, "it is not going to be dark soon, it is only 3 p.m."

Well lately he really falls apart when we are upset with him and today was no exception. He just dissolved into tears, which breaks my heart. He said "please don't be mad at me Mama."

I said, "Baby sometimes if you make a bad choice, people are going to be mad at you for a time. But even when I'm mad at you, I always love you with all my heart."

Then I was quiet and thought about it. I also hate it when people are mad at me. I feel exactly the same inside as Jaden expresses on the outside. I've just learned to hide it.

So I said, "it's a bad feeling when someone is mad at you huh?"

He said through his sniffles, "yes."

I felt so stumped seeing how I haven't really figured this out for my ownself yet in life.

So I asked him, "What do you think we can we do about those bad feelings?"

And my super-wise, natural therapist three-year-old said, "We just get through them Mama."

I smiled so huge and said, "Yes you are absolutely right. We just have to get through them."

And he finished it off by adding, "Or work it out. Just work it out. Right Mama?"

Oh my! How I love him!

I Love You California

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Yesterday was Opa's funeral.

His neighbor of 30 years sang the California State Song at Opa's request because, he said, "California was so good to me and my family."

To me, that just about sums up Opa. What an incredible man to have a viewpoint like that when all I do is bemoan the cost of living here.

Here's to you Opa, I only wish I had known you all your life. And I am deeply grateful that Jaden got to know you and love you enough to miss you and your wonderful story-telling.

We love you and will miss you always.





I love You California

Written by F. B. Silverwood
Composed by A. F. Frankenstein

I love you, California, you're the greatest state of all
I love you in the winter, summer, spring, and in the fall.
I love your fertile valleys; your dear mountains I adore,
I love your grand old ocean and I love her rugged shore.

chorus:

When the snow crowned Golden Sierras
Keep their watch o'er the valleys bloom.
It is there I would be in our land by the sea,
Ev'ry breeze bearing rich perfume,
It is here nature gives of her rarest,
It is Home Sweet Home to me.
And I know when I die I shall breathe my last sigh
For my sunny California.

I love your redwood forests - love your fields of yellow grain,
I love your summer breezes, and I love your winter rain,
I love you, land of flowers; land of honey, fruit and wine,
I love you, California; you have won this heart of mine.

chorus

I love your old gray Missions - love your vineyards streteching far,
I love you, California, with your Golden Gate ajar,
I love your purple sunsets, love your skies of azure blue,
I love you, California; I just can't help loving you.

chorus

I love you, Catalina - you are very dear to me,
I love you, Tamalpais, and I love Yosemite,
I love you, Land of Sunshine, half your beauties are untold,
I loved you in my childhood, and I'll love you when I'm old.

chorus

Playdoh

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Like with the calendar awhile ago and suddenly busting out some letters, this morning Jaden busted out some new Playdoh skills.

I was finishing my coffee and checking my email before school. And I turn around and see that Jaden has figured out how to roll out his dough to a uniform thickness, use the cookie cutter and pull away the excess dough.

I was pretty amazed because up till now, he got really frustrated trying to roll out dough and always needed my help. Now quietly and with no fanfare, he just does it on his own.

He looks pretty proud, doesn't he? And rightfully so.